THE WELLNESS EDITION NO. 11 - "FRIENDSHIPS CAUSE HEARTBREAKS TOO"
Hello my friends, let's talk about friendship today! All of us need friends in life, otherwise we would be oh so lonely. Who wants to be lonely? Not me and probably not you either. Don't get me wrong, I love to hibernate from time to time but overall I am more than happy when I can spend time with my friends and connect with like-minded folks.
A few weeks ago, I had dinner with my best friend and that night we were talking about friendship in general and how many friends became strangers to us these days. Friendships change and I realise more often than before how many of my friendships have shifted into a direction I did not expect while other friendships have not even survived until now.
Even the kind of friendships I never expected to end because we had been friends since high school for example and in high school I pretty much met my closest friends. But now I know better, even friendships from back in the high school days haven't made it until today.
PEOPLE CHANGE AND SO DO YOU
Why? Because people change, because you change and this can be a good thing. Even if it means that you will continue your journey without people you used to call close friends. Friendships often end without a break-up that you experience when relationships end. Contact just gets less and less and at a certain point the contact is gone for good.
You don't break-up, you just let go of each other. It can be painful but it can also feel liberating because you realise that with certain people it was just not the right fit anymore anyways. You changed into completely different directions and there is not much left to say. Or maybe it even never was a good fit before but you did not notice until now.
THE THEATRICAL ACT
Since I am a lot more connected to myself now than I was in the past, I realised that the friendships that did not make it into the present, were not a good fit at all for me most of the time. Because I could not be myself and always felt like playing a role in order to make this friendship work. The Sociologist Erving Goeffmann said that we all play roles in our daily life depending on who is surrounding us, so we behave differently around family, friends, work, school and so on.
It is something that I realise also goes for friendships, our behaviour changes in different groups of friends and the ones where I can consciously feel that I am taking a role are the kind of friendships which are not good for me. And if these friendships end, it is not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion.
But of course it can feel heartbreaking when a friendship ends because you remember all the good times and everything you went through together. My take on it is to focus on the present and the future and not to stay stuck in the past wondering why some people just can't stay on your side.
Reality is often it has nothing to do with you, it is about them when they decide to distance themselves from you. Same goes to you if you distance yourself from former friends, most often it is not about them but about you. Because you realise that it is just not the right fit anymore. And there is nothing wrong with mutually parting from each other in peace.