The Wellness Edition No. 19 - Boundaries
Good morning! Let's talk about something very important today...boundaries. Quite frankly I have to admit that I had no idea about boundaries until I started diving into www.baggagereclaim.co.uk - an amazing blog about relationships, self-love and self-care by NML. I think I mentioned this blog before in a former post, if you don't know it yet, I highly recommend you check it out. I have been a reader of baggage reclaim for many years now and reading this blog has helped me incredibly during my own journey of self-care and self-love.
NML focuses a lot on setting boundaries in order to protect yourself from toxic people and toxic relationships. Saying no used to be a big problem for me but since I started reading so much about boundaries on her blog, it got a lot easier for me because I realised that I have the right to say no if there is something that I don't want - in fact I have to say no in order to protect myself to not get exploited and to not end up in uncomfortable situations or friendships and relationships.
I think people with a healthy self-esteem are much better in setting boundaries right away while the folks of us who struggle there have to learn it first. Since I learned the trick about setting boundaries I opt out of friendships/relationships and situations that are not good for me so much faster. This year I ended quite a few friendships because certain people did not respect my boundaries and made me feel uncomfortable about myself and while being with them. So what is the healthy consequence? Of course to opt out. I am proud of myself that finally I can take this step while a few years ago it was still impossible for me because I never wanted to disappoint anyone - even though the consequence was that I disappointed myself which of course does not help anyone.
So if you struggle here, think about deal-breakers that make you opt out of certain situations or friendships and relationships before you start suffering from the consequences. Opt out before it is too late already and you experience pain. Learn to say no if you struggle here like I did. I know it is hard in the beginning but the more often you apply it, the easier it gets. Believe me! I have been there before and struggled a lot but now I feel well when opting out and saying no to things or people that are not good for me. Because it is an act of self-love and self-care and you deserve to treat yourself with the utmost self-love and self-care. And that is the thing, whenever you start treating yourself well with self-love, self-respect and self-care you won't let anyone stay in your life, who does not treat you that way. Well, if you do not, people of course realise they can do with you whatever they want and that is what they are going to do because the way you treat yourself sets the standard of how others will treat you. So pay good attention of the way you treat yourself, pay attention to negative self-talk...would you talk to anyone you love in such a way? Of course not, so don't do it to you either. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others and believe me, things will improve for you and your wellbeing.
Take home message from today's post is to set boundaries in order to protect yourself from unhealthy situations, relationships and friendships. Don't let anyone stay in your life, who crosses your boundaries because believe me these people will do it again and again from my experience. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries but stay away from the folks who don't. Reading baggage reclaim has been a big eye opener for me ever since I discovered the blog in 2011 and this year when I realised that quite a few people constantly crossed my boundaries, I went back to reading this blog a lot and I decided to cut these people off - because I don't need anyone in my life who treats me with disrespect. So I recommend you check with yourself if you have set up boundaries and if there are people in your life who are constantly crossing them. If you don't have boundaries, set them up. If you have people crossing your boundaries, opt out of these relationships and friendships. Apply self-care and self-love every day because you are worth it.
Please feel free to share your thoughts about this topic with me. xx, Phyllis