The Love Files No.13 // Emotional Betrayal
First of all, I think I spent at least 4-5 hours working on this botanical typography. It took me a very long long time to put every letter into a gorgeous flower dress but I am really happy with the result and looking at it now I can clearly say that it was worth spending my day doing it. Let’s talk about ‘The Love Files’ now after I explained a bit of the design process behind this typography design.
An emotional betrayal in a relationship is the worst kind of betrayal at all in my opinion. Of course having sex with somebody else while being in a relationship is not cool either but it does not even come close to an emotional betrayal since sex with a stranger is nothing that would ever create a strong connection between two people. Sex is what it is, just a shag!
In case of my ex (well in both cases, referring to S1 and S2 from the blog posts before, those women are totally interchangeable but they pulled off exactly the same thing in the same situation); getting hit on by this woman in Stockholm who he knew and was not interested in before until she was hitting on him, buying into her fast forwarding, future faking and then teaming up with her and deciding together after having spent 2 or 3 days together away from home because of a stupid choir weekend (that was S1 two years ago) and in the other case swing workshop (S2 this Summer), then deciding together once back home to tell the woman by his side (me) that a stable longterm relationship is over now so they can get together while they already shagged behind my back, that is the worst case scenario of betrayal I ever experienced. And with this man I had this experience twice.
I am sure he thinks my door is still open when things are over with her, I am quite certain things are over already. Two years ago the whole fling took about 3 weeks and I am sure there won’t be any difference this time. Same for him, same package different woman. But this door ain’t open anymore for someone who humiliated and disrespected me within a very short time twice. He turned love into pain, trust into mistrust, respect into disrespect, care into not caring about and for him anymore. If his goal was losing me, then he finally made it. Congrats!
That “cold-as-ice” breaking up out of the blue not thinking about any consequences nor thinking about causing the person who had been by his side for many years horrible pain and sorrow, that is a thing that only people who are narcissists or with extreme narcissistic tendencies pull off. It is shady, it is ugly and it lacks respect, integrity, responsibility. Is it seriously worth to lose your face for another female narcissist who is only interested in conquering someone who is taken to boost her ego and then once she has caught her prey loses interest anyways after the honeymoon phase of let’s say 3 weeks or so is over and then sends the guy to hell anyways??? It just ain’t worth it and it is totally ridiculous that people in their 30ies and 40ies are pulling off such a shady thing that reflects the maturity of teenagers.
I don’t believe in second chances anymore, I thought if he screwed it up once he certainly won’t screw it once again since he should appreciate that I am back in his life. But there were still all his stupid hobbies like that fucking choir that I hate so much ever since he left me for a random stranger from there, then he started swing and balboa dancing after our first breakup and now I come to the conclusion that his fear of missing out, being driven by the illusion that he will become so much happier with every fucking ugly skank from the choir, dancing (or whatever, fill in the blank I am sure he can find more stupid hobbies just to not commit and to keep on running from himself being driven by the fear of missing out whatever), so I come to the conclusion that those hobbies were basically just all about keeping an eye open for the next woman who will make my perfect successor and take my still warm spot in our bed. It is just insane! And it hurts. Also, those random strangers are totally interchangeable (even though they are the same type of woman) while I apparently wasn’t interchangeable at all.
I’d totally not want to be in her position right now. Yea, she got the guy but she did not get the package she was expecting to get. He is also going through a breakup and heartache. Hey there is this big shadow of the ex-girlfriend hanging over her, who was just sleeping in the same bed a few nights before, I am sure my long blond hair is still all over the place in his house. I am sure he was even too lethargic to remove my tooth brush from the bathroom or the chicken soup that I cooked that still sits in his freezer. Would I as a woman ever want to get into such a situation? Hell no, it is just fucking nasty and I would lose all my self-respect but I assume self-respect is something she did not have at the first place, otherwise she would not have hit on him knowing I am playing quite a big role in his life. Emotional betrayal is a melting pot for shady people without any standards, boundaries and morals but with narcissistic tendencies and apparently lacking the brains of thinking about consequences in ‘real life’ once the choir weekend slash Stockholm adventure is over.
An emotional betrayal is just effing awful and it will be very hard to trust a man again, especially since I really trusted S lately and then he did exactly the same thing again to me. Second chances and trusting again are apparently utter bullshit unless your goal is to get hurt, disrespected and humiliated once again for exactly the same bullcrap as before. I have had trust issues all my life and events like that certainly ain’t making it any better! It is a case of relationship insanity, doing things over and over again and expecting different results.
I promise, soon I will dive deeper into writing about narcissism, dealing with narcissists, dating narcissists and the horrible effects it has on your emotional wellbeing and mental health. Stay tuned, a post about all of this will follow soon.
Thanks for reading and stopping by. xx, Phyllis