The Love Files No.11 // The Rebound
A rebound is someone to numb the pain of the breakup of the relationship you had before. A rebound is a buffer, an emotional airbag, a distraction to distract you from the loss of and pain of the relationship you had before. And after what my ex-boyfriend pulled off, after creating an air castle and an illusion with a random stranger, a woman he did not care about for 1,5 years since he met her, that my friend is a rebound.
Some people can’t cope with love, trust, intimacy so they take the emergency exit by getting buffered by a rebound, oh how good for him that there finally was a woman showing interest in him, so he could escape from being close to me while being buffered up. But there must still be my big shadow hanging over the quickly built up air castle which has noting to do with authenticity, trust, love and care for each other. It is what it is, an empty shell without any foundation, based on superficial things like ‘common interests’ and because of overlapping and fast forwarding (thank you NML for all those terms and definitions) they created something that might feel intense at the moment due to the fact of going into things in teenager-speed and mode.
I remember when I first met him, I was not interested in a relationship with him, he did everything he could to see me, to talk to me on a regular basis and to get to know me and after about 3-4 months I thought we make a good fit and then I was in for the relationship. But now while emotionally still being attached getting conquered by a random stranger? It is what it is, a rebound based on superficial stuff and it was exactly the same story like two years ago. He really had to fight for me and then he throws it away for a random stranger, where he did not have to fight at all I suppose. She was there, she wanted him and he was in, even if there was no desire for her before. I know, that he left me is all about him, it is not about me, it is not even really about her…even though she is exactly the same type of woman like the one from two years ago, those are a real trigger for him it seems. They flirt with him and then he becomes the kind of man I did not know before, becoming a narcissistic egomaniac, not thinking about any consequences, not taking any responsibilities, just behaving like a 15 year old boy.
So two years ago my Mr. Unavailable and my ‘Mr. I Can’t Commit’ didn’t do a big mistake, 2 years ago I thought he made a mistake and realised where he had gone wrong. But now after having it done twice we can most certainly talk about a pattern by somebody who really thinks great love and relationships are just lurking around the corner waiting for him and throwing into the bin a relationship that was based on shared values and feelings. The fear of missing out while nearly being 50 years old, waiting for the perfect love is like waiting for Godot. A reality check might be a good idea, right? So it is much easier to build castles in the air and to put some random skank showing interest on a pedestal because of feeling all of a sudden wanted by women. And here we are, overlapping, cheating, being fast forwarded with, being buffered and rebounding.
Rebounds are not special, it is only two people using each other for different reason. I suppose here in his and her case a big problem is lacking self-esteem and self-value but a rebound certainly won’t help here to solve these deep-rooted issues. OK, I am sure the one he overlapped with, the fast forwarded, she must have felt super flattered that he left me for her but how flattering is it to sleep in the same bed next to him where I slept the night before? Not so cool and flattering anymore, am I right? Apart from that he is also facing heartache, despite having the emotional airbag buffer, but once somebody is out of your life who had always played a major part in it, that is real pain baby. And he was broken when I left. I would never like to find myself in the kind of preconditions they have created there. It is just utterly nuts, disrespectful and humiliating for everyone involved. They certainly both got their ego stroked for a high cost.