The Love Files No. 20 // Cultural Differences

When it comes to love, relationships and dating the culture we were born and raised in plays a huge part in shaping and forming us and into making us the person we are right here and right now. Unfortunately people often seem not to take that aspect very serious or into consideration when falling in love/hooking up/dating/starting a relationship with someone from a completely different cultural background. I am not saying that this is impossible, all I am saying is that due to cultural differences it is very likely that problems can occur and will occur at a certain point.

I am honest here, the majority of men I dated came from a different cultural backgrounds than I came from. You could say that someone who is US American, a Spaniard, a South American or an Italian is very similar to our culture here in Germany but truth is that even here we find differences. They might not be as big as the differences when dating someone from let’s say an African, Asian or Arab culture but still there are some cultural differences nevertheless.

I grew up in a non-religious environment but I grew up in a Christian country and society, and I think there is no doubt that the religious environment you grew up in, will shape your thought system, your value system and the way you perceive and interpret the world. Even though I am not practising religion at all, but my ideas, thoughts and values are shaped by a system based on Christian values and that will of course be a different one than from someone who grew up in another religious system. So there is no denying in saying that the system I grew up in is a different one than the one of someone growing up in an Islamic environment for example. I think as long as people are open-minded and ready to take a look on their own value system they grew up in and are able to reflect and maybe reshape some of their ideas and values, then things can work, even with big cultural differences but if people won’t open up and just be super strict with everything they have known before and not accepting any new ideas or concepts, then a relationship is doomed to fail because of big cultural differences.

It is ridiculous that now in Germany it even feels bold to talk about something so logical and obvious due to the exaggerated political correctness happening here these days but hey let’s face it, I having grown up in a democracy based on Christian values perceive the world differently than let’s say someone who grew up in a strict and conservative theocracy.

I was with an US-American for a long time and I have other friends who were as well and in the end, all of our relationships ended due to pretty much the same reasons. Coincidence?! No, I don’t think so. It has something to do with the cultural differences we have in common. Even though I spent lots of time in the US ever since I was little, even though I kinda considered the US my home for a long time, the cultural differences were still there and they were very present. And think about it, the US is not so far away from our culture here like let’s say an Islamic culture is for example but nevertheless cultural differences played a major part into ending these relationships. I was also dating men who grew up in a muslim environment and you can imagine that here cultural differences were even much bigger and things got a lot more complicated. I am not saying that it is impossible to make it work but it certainly takes lots of effort and the willingness to accept things you are not familiar with to make it work.

Also when it comes to my work, my job basically is to work with people from different backgrounds and cultures, I work with expats from all over the world which is something that I love and I also work with migrants and refugees from time to time, so I am very aware of cultural differences and the misunderstandings that can occur as a consequence. All I am saying here that awareness and acknowledgment of cultural differences is very important to make things work or also to accept that due to big cultural differences things cannot work. It is about accepting facts and not about being in a denial state that at least is my point of view.

I know we don’t really talk about it due to what the media and politics call ‘political correctness’ but I feel it is something we have to talk about very openly and not to ignore facts just because some people and politicians don’t like to hear the truth.