Self-Worth

I think when we are unable to sense our own worthiness, then tons of problems are prone to occur. Without feeling how worthy we are, we make decisions that are not aligned with what we truly want and desire - same for what we don’t want. From a place of not feeling worthy, we are prone to people-pleasing and not setting healthy boundaries. I have been thinking about this a lot in the past few days once I realised how people have constantly overstepped my boundaries and how a certain person overstepped my boundaries constantly even though I clearly said no a million times. And letting people constantly overstep your boundaries comes form a place of low self-esteem and self-worth in my opinion.

So how to get out of this? I’d say self-care and self-soothing is key because once you treat yourself with love, care, trust and respect, you won’t let anyone else treat you in a harmful way.

I was not long in the online-dating sphere but I noticed that this is a place where boundaries are overstepped pretty much all the time and if you are a people-pleaser (like I was / sometimes still am), then this is a place you should better stay away from. Online-dating had only brought me lots of stress on the long run and I suppose this only works for people who are very good at setting healthy boundaries and who are not prone to people-pleasing. I just come up with the example of online-dating because I noticed that this is not the place to be when you struggle to say no because you are a people-pleaser and when you struggle to set boundaries because you are a people—pleaser and because your self-esteem and self-worth are low. Then my friend I’d say it is better on doing some mental work instead of wasting time on shady online-dating platforms where many shady people hang out.

Probably best to stay away from dating at all unless you are in a good mental state, otherwise it only creates much more trouble than it has any notable benefits I can say now after my experience. Not having signed up and not having gone on a few dates and gotten into a toxic relationship with a more than shady guy, would have saved me lots of energy and trouble. That is for sure. But also it taught me a lesson, and that one is that I struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth and that is something I have to work on from now on.

I also think that not feeling worthy and having low self-esteem leads to procrastination and self-sabotage, maybe because it is draining and you feel like you have absolutely no energy. And another consequence is self-destructive behaviour because people with their self-esteem in-tow won’t behave in a way that might actually be harmful to them. I am not saying it has to be the worst self-destructive behaviour that comes as a consequence but self-sabotage and procrastination is already self-destructive enough by itself since it only leads to stepping back instead of moving forward.

I don’t have the answers here but I think the only things that help to improve self-worth and self-esteem is proper self-care. Not talking about the fancy self-care like going to the SPA or so but things you can do on a daily basis like learning to listen to what you actually want and don’t want and then in consequence of saying yes to things you actually don’t want to agree on at all, so to say no instead. Or things like making sure to get enough sleep, making sure to nourish your body with 3 nourishing meals a day, taking time to rest when you feel you need time to rest, to stop overstepping your own boundaries, keeping your home tidy and clean, going outside to get some sunlight and movement, less time on social media, being creative….