graphic designer and illustrator blogging about design, Self-care, love and relationships

The Love Files No.7 // Desperation

Let’ talk about desperation today! You ever met someone desperately trying to find the significant other? Yes, that is our topic today since I experienced quite a few cases of men being utterly desperate and chasing their dreams and illusions in the most desperate way, ignoring all the signs indicating ‘no babe, this ain’t gonna happen’.

What do they lack? Empathy certainly is overrun by hormones that lift them up on cloud 7 with all the ‘woulda and coulda’ if they could finally turn this non-existent thing into a relationship. The most bizarre part of this is, that with none of the guys who desperately chased the dream of entering a relationship I was even close with, not at all! There was nothing! Nothing and nothing ever indicating any interest from my side!

The case was that we met maybe once or twice and then they came up with the crazy idea in their head that they must have found the significant other without even barely knowing the other person, me in that case. Led by illusion and wishful thinking creating castles in the air. Another thing lacking certainly is reality fact-checking since they already saw us being in a relationship while not even a friendship existed, nor any sexual encounters. In that case of course I would understand that the hope comes up that this is going to become more than just a platonic friendship or more than just an affair (if there was anything sexual going on) but since none of these stages were ever entered nor about to enter, I have no idea how they could create so much stress, drama, putting pressure on me and behaving like the jealous lover after nothing nothing nothing ever happened and was never about to happen.

I am a friendly person and I try treating everyone with kindness, care and respect but I don’t get how a certain type of man can take that as flirting because let’s face it, it has nothing to do with flirting. It is just being friendly. Believe me, if I am flirting with you you can tell, there is a difference. But I get the feeling the guys who take being friendly as flirting are the ones who are just extremely desperate, who can’t stand being single since they had been single so long and seem to have a problem with that, it is the kind of man lacking self-esteem, self-worth and just being extremely insecure about themselves.

Those are the men who then misinterpret friendliness, get caught up in illusions created in their heads and who won’t stop trying to meet you, contacting you all the time and being super persistent even though you clearly address to them that you are not interested, that you never have time for meeting them and are also not willing to take the time to meet them. Hello, ain’t that clear?! And if this is not understood at all there is no way around except for being super frank and just saying “hey, sorry but I don’t want to meet you and this is not leading to what you are expecting” but even then some men don’t get it or don’t want to get it. Once I even got a new phone number in order to make sure that one guy finally gets it and can never contact me again, I think this was pretty clear then, frankly telling him that I am not interested and don’t want to meet up with him did not do the trick unfortunately. Hello how blind and unwilling to see reality can a man be?!

And they also lack the ability to reflect, in the end every guy who tried chasing me, not accepting that I was not interested, in the end they always put themselves into the position of being a victim and I was the bad person being mean and cruel to them, just because I was not into them - sorry, I was just honest and if you can’t understand that a woman is not interested in you, you should maybe think about your part of why she might not be interested and where you went wrong with your behaviour. But no, those men can’t do this. They are the poor victim in the end and you are the bad woman just because you did not behave the way they wished and expected it from you.

Also I ask myself, where is their self-respect? How can they keep on chasing after nothing ever happened, no sign of interest by the woman was ever indicated or she even said out straight that she is not interested. How can they still be so persistent then thinking ‘oh she is going to change her mind if I just convince her’. They are not only lacking self-respect, they also don’t respect me if the can’t accept a no. I get when people start behaving irrational after being completely lovestruck when affairs or sort of relationships had been going on for a while but when this is not the case and it only exists in their head a million miles away from any reality, that I certainly don’t understand.

Dear men, desperation won’t get you into a relationship. No, the opposite is going to happen. Even if a woman is slightly interested in you, this way you will make her run for her life just to get away from you. This won’t work and it will not bring you the result you want. Let’s get real here!

The Love Files No.7 // Desperation (Phylleli Design Studio and Blog)

Jewelry Collection Mood Board

Jewelry Collection Mood Board

The Freelance Issue No.22 // learners are earners

The Freelance Issue No.22 // learners are earners