The Wellness Edition No.56 // Inner Demons
Today I chose the title ‘Inner Demons’ because I find that this title represents all of our dark thoughts of fear, anxiety, depression and self-sabotage really well. Basically everything that holds us back and keeps us feeling stuck are inner demons. It is our inside world creating them and in consequence they sabotage our outside world as well. It is a vicious cycle. Often I am still paralysed by fear, not as much anymore as i was in the past, but fear is still present often times. And most of the time without a reason…only dark thoughts and emotions creating this fear and feeding it. You know the feeling of creating horror scenarios of what all can go wrong, how shitty things will be and so on…yes those are the inner demons I am talking about. But let’s be honest here, it is not real, it is all just what is happening in our heads. And if we don’t pay attention this is taking over and keeps on spinning one horror scenario after another - and then we are really caught up in a vicious cycle that keeps us blocked and even worse, we cannot think anymore one straight thought because this omnipresent fear completely paralyses us then. Have you ever been in the middle of a major panic attack? If so, you know how it feels like to leave the power to your inner demons. And it is horrible and scary.
But the good thing is, we can get aware of what is going on with us and then we can realize that those darks thoughts and feelings are not real - that we are the creators of them. And if we can create them, we can also uncreate them by choosing thoughts that lift our mindset instead, by choosing relaxation techniques that help us to feel grounded and earthed again. I never realised how led by fear I had been all my life before I started reading more into it and just by realising that, it has been a major eye opener for me.
Often we are our worst enemies. Have you ever noticed that? I admit and I feel shameful while admitting that, that very often in the past I was really going through dark times treating myself extremely bad, without even being aware of it. That is what I mean with inner demons, thinking about it now I feel like there was a horrible character trait within my soul that was sure to keep on creating feelings and situations that just made me feel horrible about myself, situations of self-sabotage, self-punishment, loaded with self-hate and very self-destructive energies. There must have been some dark side inside of me that felt well fed by giving into those feelings and actions. Thankfully I discovered that I also have - let’s call it a bright (think of it bright as sunlight) side inside of me that chooses to conquer those inner demons through choosing situations and people that create feelings of self-acceptance, self-love, appreciation and the heart-felt desire of feeling happy, healthy and joyful. And I am happy to say that my bright side now has the power to be chosen over my dark side (most of the time) and that is something where Big progress was made and I am very proud of myself.
So, inner demons are something we subconsciously create by ourselves. I like to think of it as inner demons because as children we were always fearing the demons hiding under our beds and in the dark, right. You remember those days from childhood? And even back then they were something non-existent, they only existed in our head. And when being a grown-up it is not any different, inner demons are the harmful self-harming side that we created within our souls. I don’t know why, I suppose they served as some kind of self-protection possibly. Of course self-protection gone completely wrong here, so it is our task now to become aware and to correct it through consciously changing our behaviour and our patterns. When we realise that we might have self-destructive tendencies it is our own responsibility to let go of them and to realise that they are not serving us in any good way. If we learn to be good to ourselves, to treat ourselves with love, care and respect then chances are also pretty high that other people will treat us the same way. Our outer world (other people, situations) becomes a reflection of our inner world (our heart and soul and the way we subconsciously perceive and treat ourselves). This is something that I mentally realised long long long before I could emotionally feel it. And once I started feeling it and not just being able to recognise it on an analytical intellectual level, then the real changes magically started to happen for me and keep on happening from now on. Life is so much better since that as you can possibly imagine.
Each of us have our own inner demons. Your inner demons might be different than my inner demons. We have to find out what our inner demons are in order to let them go. I talk about inner demons here because I find as soon as you give emotions a picture or an image they are a lot more tangible. Often times I need to create a visual image in my head in order to be able to feel what I am supposed to feel and a visual image makes a feeling (that I rationally know I should feel but still can’t feel) so much more accessible and that is the key to access certain emotions and feelings, to accept them and to choose to see and feel them differently. I have conquered some of my inner demons and some of them still have to be conquered. It is a never ending story I suppose, like everything in life that requires training and practise. But the more we practise the better we get and the better our cope mechanisms get as well.