The Wellness Edition No.65 // Overcoming Self-Sabotage

I think self-sabotage is quite a big issue for most of us. We tend to hold ourselves back from many things we want due to anxiety and fear, then we procrastinate because of feeling fearful and in the end we are just feeling totally paralysed and overwhelmed which again is holding us back then from finally getting started or to continue moving.

I feel that the first part of this year I did quite well with being goal-focused and sticking to working on them. Well, until this breakup at the end of July, after that I completely lost track and got very lost and that is a shame because it was my goal to have the shop open by September but unfortunately this did not happen because I was just feeling extremely unwell. It seems to me that the second part of this year bad old habits kept on kicking in again and self-sabotage is one of them. Normally I am a very productive and self-disciplined woman but in the past few weeks or even months I just spent lots of time not really doing anything besides working so I can make sure that I can pay all my bills. I know how much joy and happiness designing, creating, writing brings me but when not feeling well there is no energy for anything.

I started feeling a little better and more energetic the end of October but then in early November I fell back into a hole after taking the morning after pill that completely messed up my hormones, so I took the rest of November pretty much just to relax and get lots of sleep in order to get back on my feet again. While I was mainly resting and working in the past two weeks, I realised that self-sabotage is still a very big issue for me. I have so many ideas in my head, there is so much I want to do, so many projects I want to work on but in the end I get nothing done lately and that is very frustrating because I feel like I am losing so much time and just not getting where I want to be, which is to run a successful online-shop where I sell graphic design posters and illustrations with affirmations to brighten up your day and to support you and later on also more products that help you with goal-setting and self-development. That is the one main business goal and the personal goal is to move to Spain again where I was a lot happier living than in Germany.

Now it is November, a very dark and cold month, I am very sensitive when it comes to darkness and light and temperatures so that kind of weather is of course not helping either to feel happy, motivated and energised. For me Winter is just a very bad season that drains me and often makes me feel just utterly miserable. The lack of light and warmth was one big reason for me to move to Spain in 2013 and there I truly started feeling physically and emotionally better for the first time in my life.

I wished I knew how to really overcome self-sabotage and holding yourself back but that is one of my biggest struggles ever in life and has always been. I think when you feel burnt out and exhausted it is important to accept it and just to take sometime for yourself in order to recharge your batteries and to get the rest that you need in order to get back on your feet again. As much as I hate accepting it then but it is the only thing that works for me; getting rest and sleep, going out and walking in nature and then things slowly improve again but it takes sometime always especially after having experienced stressful and draining times before.

Even if I sometimes disappear from the blog for a few weeks, don’t worry, I just need some time off and then I am back at it again once I feel a little better and more creative. So, I will now focus on all the amazing things again that I want to achieve and work towards them step by step - even if it means tiny baby steps. But it is important to keep on moving and not to get stuck because feeling stuck and resigned is one of the worst feelings ever in my opinion.