The Love Files No.3 // Abandonment
Abandonment is a not so nice topic. Whenever we start relationships, they can end with abandonment. Abandonment is something that many of us know from our families whenever we had a parent walking out. Truth is when someone leaves you, it is not about you. It has nothing to do with you. It is about them. It took me a long time to finally see that because we tend to make it all about ourselves and then burden ourselves with blame and self-hate. Even if it has nothing absolutely nothing ever to do with us. If someone wants to leave you, he’s gonna walk out. And chances are high that this person is going to do the same thing with the next person in the next relationship as well. Because it is about them, not us.
We tend to date the same person over and over again until we learned our lesson. Usually we repeat patterns, most ofthen these relationship patterns stem from our childhood and it is something we learned through our parents. I for example tend to fall in love with guys who then always leave me completely out of the blue. Well, it is a pattern and it is not a good one because it always leaves me extremely heartbroken in the end. It is something I want to change. I don’t want to be the kind of woman anymore that always gets abandonded. It is bad for your heart and soul.
So how to change it? Maybe a good start is to date someone who is emotionally available because chances are high that this person is not to pull such a thing off. But you can only date somene emotionally availabe when you are emotionally available. So it starts with you. I know that I had not been emotionally available in the past and I am still not sure if I am now. I think it got much better for sure but probably I still have to do lots of inner work in order to become really emotionally available. But that’s ok. Once you find out the root cause you can work on that and solve it in the end.
It is a very sad relationship pattern and it makes me sad that it repeats again and again and I seriously don’t want this to ever happen to me again.