The Love Files No. 5 // The Dark Side
Well, love or that what you mistake for love has some downsides as well. That is for sure. Each of the scenarios I mention here deserve a blog post on their own, so this is just brief introduction of red flags to pay attention to.
One dark side is if you constantly go for the wrong partners who in the end don’t do you any good, hurt you and just make you feel miserable about yourself. Note to self, this is not the kind of relationship we want to have. Never ever! This is the case of same package different person to quote the wonderful Nat from www.baggagereclaim.co.uk (one of my all time favourite blogs ever.)
Another thing I notice is that many people completely neglect their friends when being with someone new and some people stick with that and only remember they have friends once they are single again. Also, not good…utterly bad. And let’As face the truth, if you behave like that your friends will be gone by the time you go back to them. Oh I had a friend like this for many years. Once she was with a guy I never ever heard from her again and when things weren’t as smooth anymore as before she completely remembered that I am still there for meeting up and listening to her drama. Nope, stay away from those people…they are usually toxic. This former friend is very toxic for sure and therefore she is not my friend anymore.
I know tons of people who only find joy and happiness when they are in a relationship with someone but they can’t find any joy and happiness when they are alone. This also is a no-brainer. You need to be in love and peace with yourself first and if you then meet somebody who makes it even better, perfect - but you may not expect to receive joy, peace and happiness solely through another person, namely your relationship partner. Not good! Dependency and co-dependency are a serious problem, certainly they are not love.
Leaving the person you have been happy with for a while for someone who tells you you are even happier with them? No, another no-brainer. People who tell you that and try to convince you to get out of their current relationship to start a new one with them are just really fucked up, narcissistic idiots who only use and abuse your for their own ego boost that will only last a short time and then they’ll dump you and move on to their new victim. Don’t get into this shit, it ain’t worth it. They are just faking it!
Hmm, I also had my fair share of experiences with intercultural differences which can also make relationships utterly bad and miserable. Truth is, the majority of guys I dated had a different nationality and cultural background than I, so problems occurred quite often. I am not saying that this can’t work out but it takes lots of effort, willing to compromise from both sides and tolerance. Tolerance is probably the most important factor here because if that is lacking problems will occur. Oh and respect of course but this counts for every relationship and friendship scenario!
OK, this was basically an introduction of topics I will further talk about in TLF soon. So, stay tuned. xx