The Wellness Edition No.59 // 2nd Chances
Lately I have been thinking a lot about second chances. Saturday night I met up with a very close friend and we had a long conversation about giving a second chance to people after they once screwed it up. We came to the conclusion that usually things don’t get any better with any new chance you give that person to fuck things up just once again.
I don’t talk just about love here when talking about second chances, same thing goes for friendships. Too often I gave too many toxic and nasty people a second chance to devaluate me, to hurt me, to abandon me or to treat me like shit just once again. So this Summer is another one bringing true revelations to the surface.
I had several friendships where my ‘friends’ all of a sudden freaked out, started insulting me and telling me what an awful person I am! Then when I decided I am done with those people another mutual friend talked me into giving them a ‘second chance’ since in his eyes our friends are so ‘valuable’. Well what should I say, within a short period of time they unfolded again, doing exactly the same thing again. So I cut off one ‘friend’ after she freaked out for the first time, that was a smart move from my side at least. I had another ‘friend’ who I finally cut off when she had her third insulting-devaluating me-attack. Here I realised, I should have banned her from my life a lot earlier.
Then there was another male friend who always wanted us to be more than just friends, so after his first insulting attack I cut him off - then the other mutual friend talked me into getting back into this friendship and stupid me listened (hello people pleaser, this will stop from now on), after that he freaked out two times more but not like the first time so I thought ok but then happened the 4th and last insulting attack that made me decide to end friendships immediately when people once show me their true face which ain’t a pretty one.
And there is no difference when it comes to love and relationships. My ex cheated on me and left me for a random narcissistic stranger once, then he came crawling back and I gave him the famous ‘second chance’. Yea, and what did he do? Exactly the same thing again, leaving me for another random narcissistic shady woman who is the same kind of woman like the first one was and even the story is the same one. She looks like a horse, that is the only part of that story that I can laugh about. My girlfriends and I had a good laugh here at least.
Why am I telling you all those stories? To make one thing clear! Second chances just don’t work. When people show you their ugly true character once, you better believe them and let go of them. People only change when they want to change, but believe me those kind of people who overstep your boundaries non-stop and who disrespect and insult you once, they will do it again whenever they are pissed off again or when they have the opportunity to abandon you again (just because they can).
Even if I gave those ‘friends’ or this ex-boyfriend 10 more chances, they would pull off exactly the same shady insulting behaviour once again. So the only thing you can do is to let go of those toxic people, to distance yourself, go no-contact and focus on yourself and spend your valuable time with people who actually appreciate you and treat you well but not with those above mentioned folks who suck the life out of you.
I realised that I have a big problem with people pleasing and putting the needs and wishes of others over my own, that must be the reason why I was giving so many second chances instead of setting healthy boundaries after their first freakout/cheat and telling them to fuck off after they disrespected and insulted me. Those psychotic folks have a good radar for people pleasers and for people who can’t set boundaries it seems. And that is where I have to start working on myself, to stop people pleasing and to set boundaries before I get screwed up again and again by their shady behaviour. There is the saying ‘you teach people how to treat you’ and yea there is a lot of truth in it. So from now on teach people to treat you right, to teach you with love, care, trust, respect and whoever can not do that can just get out of your life ASAP.