graphic designer and illustrator blogging about design, Self-care, love and relationships

The Love Files No.16 // I entered Tinder Land

The Love Files No.16 // I entered Tinder Land

Saturday morning I was lying in my bed and totally obsessing about the breakup, my ex and and the woman he left me for. I thought I was going crazy. I was wondering if they are now finally over, I was missing him and all that jazz. Well, if you ever had a horrible breakup and a broken heart you exactly know how it is. It was horrible, so I thought I gotta do something to get out of this cycle. Sooo, I grabbed my iPhone and looked for Tinder. Staring at the screen. I was a bit hesistant about signing up first but then I just did it. Ok, so I created my profile and the swiping action started. Within a few minutes I had several matches and guys started messaging me.

An Italian guy who also lives in Darmstadt messaged me after we matched and then we started chatting which went quite well. Later on he asked me if I wanted to meet up with him in the evening and I agreed. Another guy messaged me asking me blantly for sex which I declined immediately. A Turkish guy wanted to meet up as well but I said it’s too late since I already have a tinder date this evening. Tinder totally did the trick to get me out of my heartbreak cycle, I got tons of attention from different men, I was busy looking at their photos and swiping. I was so busy with Tinder that I was distracted and not thinking about the breakup, my ex and that Stockholm bitch not anymore. My grandma had tried to convince for about one week already to sign up at an online dating platform and Saturday morning it finally happened.

In the evening I had my Tinder date with the Italian guy. I did not really have any expectations, I just hoped it won’t be awkward so that I don’t have to escape after one hour with a lame excuse. But surprisingly it went extremely well. We decided to spend the evening in a park near the lake not far from my place. He brought blankets to sit on and a bottle of Lillet, I brought plastic cups and white wine. So we met, sat down and started talking and drinking. There was sympathy and we had tons of things to talk about. He even said ‘hey maybe I will be your first and your last Tinder date’. After a few hours we started kissing and when it started raining all of a sudden we decided to go to my place. Since the typical Tinder date apparently ends with sex I’d say we had a typical Tinder date since that is how our date ended as well. Tonight we will see each other again.

I have no idea what this is going to be and for being honest, I don’t care right now. I just want to be distracted, have fun and not think about my shady narcissistic ex and his new narcissistic supply anymore, because that is all that this interchangeable woman is.

The Italian guy I find attractive and sympathetic, he is a good kisser, got brains and I enjoy being around him. He is several years younger than I am and of course I don’t know him but for a fling this is just perfect. It is certainly much easier to get over a breakup when you are not all by yourself and have someone by your side who distracts you and makes you feel good about yourself. So I guess I am now also on the rebound. I was super honest and frank about it, I told him right away from this breakup and that I am not looking for something serious at this point and that chances are high that I am moving to Spain next year once the shop is finally up and generates good money so I am not dependent on finding work in the Spanish economy.

If you are reading this and you are going through a horrible breakup, I can totally recommend Tinder as a distraction. Just make sure you know what you want from it, communicate it clearly to the people you are flirting with on Tinder and then when you meet up with somebody just see how it goes. Without Tinder I’d still be stuck in my desperation and sadness obsessing about a man who may never come back into my life anyways, now matter how much i love him, but his shady behaviour, cheating and abandoning me for a random stranger is totally unacceptable. The covert narcissist just ain’t relationship material, neither friendship material. Just a pathetic toxic person to stay away from as much as I can in order to protect myself, my boundaries and my sanity. The loss is on his side since he lost the person who was closest to him, who organised a social life for him, took care of him emotionally and loved him unconditionally. I am not his fallback girl anymore, I moved on to a new adventure with a new man.

By now after just 24 hours on Tinder I could have had several dates but I decided to go with my first Tinder date instead. Of course I know that it is extremely superficial to judge if you wanna meet someone or not just from a photo that makes you swipe. But that’s how it is. Also I think for women it is much easier to meet several men on Tinder than it is for guys. I also assume that being attractive, pretty, handsome is a big advantage on Tinder. That gives you tons of likes and matches. If somebody is not ranking well on the attractiveness chart then Tinder probably is a big disappointment. I am fascinated by how many men I can meet just through this app. I don’t understand why the shady woman my ex left me for just did not sign up on Tinder to meet a guy and instead had to hunt someone down where she clearly knew he was taken. I would never pull of such a shady thing as she did, so that is probably why I can’t understand.

So today I shared my Tinder experience with you. Have you ever used Tinder or are you using it? What are your experiences, I would be happy to hear your stories as well.

Have a blessed Sunday, xx

The Love Files No16 // I entered Tinder Land #phylleli #thelovefiles #relationshipblogger #loveandrelationships #breakup #fastforwarding #covertnarcisisst #overlapping #cheating #abandonment #tinderdate #reboundrelationship #futurefaking #fallbackgirl #branding #designblog #designer



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