TWE NO. 29 // SELF LOVE
Self-love is essential to live well and happy and even though we pretty much all know that at least in theory, it is a big struggle for some of us. But where does this come from that for some people it seems to be natural to love themselves and to treat themselves well while others are their own worst enemies?! I believe it has to do with early childhood trauma, low self-esteem and just an utter feeling of not being lovable and unworthy.
But even if you struggle, I absolutely believe that it is possible to learn self-love and self-care...the majority of my life I did not treat myself very well either but once I realised what I am actually doing to myself and that I am treating pretty much everyone around me way better than myself, I started reading a lot about self-love and self-care and decided to work on improving my own relationship with my body and soul and what should I say, it takes time, but it works as long as you are willing to step out of your uncomfortable 'comfort zone' and change your habits and patterns and your behaviour towards yourself.
If you learned to treat yourself bad, you can also unlearn it and instead learn to treat yourself with love, care and respect - like you expect it from anyone surrounding you. And once you learned that, you also won't tolerate people in your life anymore who don't treat you with respect, care and love.
This is one of the reasons why I made self-care, self-love and self-respect such a big topic on my blog, because it is where I used to struggle most and in my worst times still occasionally struggle, but because I know that it is absolutely possible to change for the better and then in consequence to live a much happier and fulfilling life than ever before, I decided to make it a big blog topic. Living a happy life, isn't that our main motivation and main goal?! To be happy and to be surrounded by like-minded folks who make us feel good about ourselves instead of the opposite that we chose before. Believe me, life is so much more fun when you stop being mean to yourself.
I am not a counsellor or therapist, I can only speak from my experience, and I certainly recommend working with a therapist to figure out what is going on deep down in your soul, if you are struggling with self-love and treating yourself well. Especially if you already suffer from depression or eating disorders or any other mental illness, make sure to seek out professional help, because it will help you so much to have a professional sorting issues out with you that are deep rooted in your soul. I had been in therapy for at least 10 years with small breaks in between and it really helped me so much to better understand my own issues and inner conflicts and especially to ask myself the right questions whenever I am going through hard times. Now I am not seeing a therapist anymore but like I said, I learned to reflect in order to understand what the underlying cause is whenever I struggle and also I still read a lot about self-help, self-love, self-care, boundary setting and basically just how to live a better and happier life and how to reach my goals. It really works wonders for me and once you start embarking on that journey you will hopefully say and feel the same thing and experience a transformation and transition into a better and more fulfilling life like I did.
Also it is important to practise self-love and self-care every day in your daily life through making sure you do everything to nourish your body and soul. I give you a few examples here.
- make sure you get enough sleep
- eat a balanced diet, find a way of eating that suits your body. Don't starve yourself and also don't binge.
- learn to say no and to set boundaries, it is not selfish, it is essential to not let anyone cross your boundaries in order to stay healthy or not to become sick
- don't overdo the booze and smoking, moderation is key, otherwise you harm yourself
- exercise if you enjoy it but don't go overboard just because you feel like you have to compete with yourself for a new record, or to lose weight or whatever. Be careful if you already struggle with treating yourself well, exercising can turn into a full-blown addiction. Same here, moderation is key.
- spend time with people who make you feel well
- be yourself, true friends love you for who you are and not for the one you are trying to be, be authentic.
- establish good routines that make you feel well. Reading in the evening for example is super relaxing and a calming habit before going to bed. If you enjoy to read, this one might work for you.
- find hobbies that you enjoy and that help you relax. For example taking a long walk in the evening, going to the SPA or sauna, gardening - basically find a hobby that helps you unwind.
- make sure your home is clean and uncluttered so it really feels like home. How we live, how our home looks is a mere reflection of our soul.
- have fresh and delicious food at home. I used to be the queen of not eating on Sundays just because I did not buy enough food for the whole weekend and because I did not plan any meals for Sundays. Don't do that, is self-destructive. So, have enough fresh food in your fridge and freezer that you can go for a few days without grocery shopping.
- have your finances in check, losing control over money is just bad for you, so have an eye on your finances. Don't overspend but also don't go into the other extreme of not spending any money at all (been through both extremes, been there, done that) - it makes you feel miserable if you have money problems or dare not to spend money at all. So keep your finances in check and work on your money relationship if you struggle here. That's what I am currently doing as well.
- cook yourself a nice meal, a dish you really love to eat. Invite friends over for dinner if you don't like eating alone. Nourish your body and soul with good food and great company.
- eliminate toxic people from your life, same goes for toxic jobs. Let them go, whatever is draining you, is not good for you.
- go outside, enjoy some fresh air. Being in the nature does wonders for our wellbeing.
- travel, explore the world.
- get a pet, life is so much more fun with a cat or a dog!
- create a life that you want to live and not one that someone else expects you to live, because remember, it is your life.
- don't hurt yourself, don't hurt anyone else and if somebody treats you bad and constantly crosses boundaries, let go of that person
- get outta stuck. Don't stay in jobs, relationships, friendships etc that make you feel miserable. Analyse what is going on and make changes in order to feel better and happier again. Remember, you can change quite a lot in your life for the better. You are not a tree being planted into the ground that is damned to be stuck there - no, you can change quite a lot whenever you feel that things are outta whack.
I think self-love and self-care are essential topics and therefore I really enjoy writing about it and sharing my thoughts with you. I think if I made it to unlearn self-destructive patterns and habits, then you can as well and I see it as my mission to write and talk about it because it has been such an issue for me as well. You are not alone and knowing that already helps quite a lot I think. Mental issues are serious and it has nothing to do with weakness if you suffer from them, our society finally has to stop stigmatising people suffering from mental illness, and instead just get brutally honest about this in order to show people suffering that this is something that can be solved and treated as long as the one suffering is willing to reach out for help and to do the self-work.
Take away message from today's post; you are worth it. You are worth a million bucks. You deserve being happy. You deserve love, happiness, abundance, health and everything you are wishing for. 'Believe you deserve it and the Universe will serve it' - Gabby Bernstein. Love yourself, treat yourself well and you will see that miracles are going to happen.